Welcome to my new world

My church is participating in the movement A Complaint Free World, and will be hosting author Will Bowen as part of the event.

I'm all for this, because I hate a bunch of complaining. But wait, that's complaining.

I figure I'm not going to be very good at being a complaint free person, so I have decided to start my own movement. I'm calling it "A Control Free World".

So when someone I know is making a decision that I think is stupid, I'm not going to say a word. I can't control their actions, can I? And when someone I know needs a good talking to, I'm going to keep my mouth shut. Their internal dialog would probably drown me out anyway, right? When I ask my husband to help out with some little something at home or at work, and he does it the wrong way, I will not correct him. Nor will I go back and do it the right way; it'll just have to be wrong, okay?

Seriously though, I am really trying to keep my nose out of places it doesn't belong. I cannot control all the actions of the people in my life; I don't have to advise them when they haven't asked; and sometimes I'm just going to have to accept that their way isn't my way.

It's tough. And I'm not kidding. As a mother and bossy person, it takes all the will power I can muster to butt out. But I'm going to stay committed to my new movement. And when I'm butting out, there are a lot less people complaining about me, right? So in my own way, I'll be doing my part for a Complaint Free World.

Money

My husband and I, as most of you know, are in the construction business. Times are tough, but we've survived. There is a lot to be said for that, and I credit my husband's ability to market our company with our survival.

Lately, though, I've been feeling, well, miserly. Holding our money close and not giving as much to charity. Now I'm a person who has religiously (excuse the pun) given ten percent of everything we make to church, the Salvation Army, Food Bank, UMCOR, over the years. One particularly down year, even though we were living on our savings and much to my husband's chagrin, I continued to give ten percent. But towards the end of last year, I cut back on my donations.

When the earthquake hit Haiti, I knew I had to do something. I didn't really have the cash to give, so I charged a donation to my credit card. I figured even if I had to make a minimum payment over a few months, I should donate.

Since I made that donation, I have received two checks in the mail amounting to FIVE TIMES the amount of the donation. One check I was expecting, but the other was a refigured tax refund from the IRS from 2008, with interest.

Universe, are you trying to tell me something? Because you have my full attention now.

On Fire

I apologize for taking so long to get back to you - I've thought about writing every day. Really.

Before I post anything else, I have to go back to my last post about writing. Specifically the part where I said, "We are on fire!" Because what I mean here is not that I get up every morning on fire to go to my desk and write fabulous short stories. This is absolutely not true. In fact, I would say, after being with all those writers at the workshop, that sitting down at the place where we write takes a great deal of willpower. Because, you see, we want to write, we are on fire with ideas, but we find all kinds of excuses to keep us from putting the ideas on paper.

One of the books that writer Peggy Payne mentioned in her blog and in the workshop is The War of Art by Steven Pressfield. On our way to the beach and home again this weekend, I read this little gem out loud so my husband could enjoy it too. I want to urge every artist, writer, dreamer, idea person, every person who wants to do a thing in the worst way, to buy this book and read it.

What I like about the book is the way it pegs the resistance that we throw in the face of achieving our potential, and the way it defines those who will succeed in overcoming resistance ("professionals") versus those who won't ("amateurs"). This part is great. But my favorite idea in the book is that I am a vessel of my talent, that there is a muse or angel or Someone who has my back as I pursue my talent, and that I have been put on this earth to fully realize my artistic best.

After participating in the workshop and reading the Pressfield book, I feel reassured that I am doing some things right. And I am on fire with stories and characters and plots. I just need to look Resistance in the face, spit in his eye, and put my hands on the keyboard. I've got what it takes.

Aging, Writing, and Rock & Roll

Today is my birthday, and I've been celebrating in one form or another since Friday night. I think I'm entitled to a whole weekend at my age, don't you?

All week I've been receiving cards from friends and family. And today I've heard from them by phone. My brother's family sang (as did others) but he accompanied the singing on his guitar!



Friday night my husband's band, SPOT, played for a going-away party. There were more people than usual and the crowd was happy and dancing. Now you know that when I quit drinking, I quit dancing, but when Frank Gordon started in on the Ramones' "I Wanna Be Sedated" I had to shake a leg. And then the other leg started shaking and my arms joined in! It was a great night, but I only got four hours of sleep that night.



Yesterday, I went to a workshop facilitated by author Peggy Payne called, "Get Your Ganges On" and it was great. The title of the workshop came from Peggy's own India experience and her feeling that the river is her writing symbol, or the companion on her writing journey. I decided that mine would be a butterfly, a symbol that comes up often around my writing. A butterfly "takes off" in the same way that I would like my writing to do, and it is so beautiful that people often say, "Oooooh" or "Whoa, how gorgeous" in ways that I would like to hear them talk about my work! Here is a doodle I did of a dammed river:



A few of the tips that I got yesterday:

1. Drop the self-consciousness around my writing.
2. Continue to learn the craft of writing.
3. Manage my time in a way that enables me to think of my writing first instead of after "everything is done".
4. Keep my hands in the writing sandpile, touching base with my work often.
5. Connect with my higher power and see my writing as a collaboration between me and the Great Energy. (I loved this!)
6. Learn to recognize resistance in all its forms.

As the day started, I began to notice that certain words came up over and over. And oddly enough, they all began with F. I thought of them as the f-words of writing: Fear, focus, flow, fire. I order them this way because they reflect the order of the writing process: First we are afraid to write, so we focus on the craft and lose our self-consciousness, soon our words begin to flow, and finally we are on fire!

If you ever have a chance to work with Peggy, take it. She wrings good stuff out of me, and leaves me worn out but motivated and excited to carry on.

This has been such a good birthday weekend that next year I may try for a birthday month! At my age, you know....

Writing notes

On my desk is a box with beautiful letter-press thank you notes. I keep looking at it, wondering who I can send a thank you note to.

How I'm Thinking Now

In one of the current editions of The Sun Magazine, "The Dog-Eared Page" is a piece entitled, "The Question Holds the Lantern" and it really spoke to me.

My husband says he wants to read these two paragraphs from the essay every morning over his oatmeal because it reflects how he felt after his trip to Alaska:

If you could imagine the most incredible story ever, it would be less incredible than the story of being here. And the ironic thing is that the story is not a story, it is true. It takes us so long to see where we are. It takes us even longer to see who we are. This is why the greatest gift you could ever dream is a gift that you can only receive from one person. And that person is you yourself. Therefore, the most subversive invitation you could ever accept is the invitation to awaken to who you are and where you have landed....When your soul awakens, you begin to truly inherit your life. You leave the kingdom of fake surfaces, repetitive talk and weary roles and slip deeper into the true adventure of who you are and who you are called to become. The greatest friend of the soul is the unknown. Yet we are afraid of the unknown because it lies outside our vision and our control. We avoid it or quell it by filtering it through our protective barriers of domestication and control. The normal way never leads home.

Once you start to awaken, no one can ever claim you again for the old patterns. Now you realise how precious your time here is. You are no longer willing to squander your essence on undertakings that do not nourish your true self; your patience grows thin with tired talk and dead language. You see through the rosters of expectation which promise you safety and the confirmation of your outer identity. Now you are impatient for growth, willing to put yourself in the way of change. You want your work to become an expression of your gift. You want your relationship to voyage beyond the pallid frontiers to where the danger of transformation dwells. You want your God to be wild and to call you to where your destiny awaits.

In the past five years I have made some amazing changes in my life, changes I never thought possible. "Once you start to awaken, no one can ever claim you again for the old patterns." This sentence alone is earth-shaking in my new world.

I hope you'll take a moment to read the entire essay. And comment.

How I'm doing so far

I'm very happy with the way my 10-Minute Solution is going. I've varied it a little in that I now have to commit to thirty minutes of meditation, writing or exercising a day. I can do any combination of them, as long as the total time spent is the thirty minutes and I cover two of the three.

On Sunday night I sat at my desk with a calendar and set up a tentative schedule for the upcoming week. (I started in earnest on Monday since the weekend was totally lost to reading books.) I did twenty minutes of yoga and ten minutes of meditation. Tuesday I had my writing class, two hours, and then meditated for ten minutes. Today I spent all day revising a story, then had photography class for two hours. I will meditate for ten minutes.

The freedom to choose how I spend the minutes is important. I have a tendency to make rules for myself and then break them - not an admirable tendency, I know - but giving myself choices has motivated me. I may add acceptable things to the list later - my photography classes for instance or other sorts of "improvement behavior" - but for now I'm only going to count the initial three.

Many of the child-rearing books I read when my girls were young pointed out that giving children choices gave them power, and that when they felt powerful they made good choices. I'm reverting to that philosophy for myself, since deep down I tend to act like a rebellious child a lot of the time.

Anyone else want to weigh in on how their resolutions are going?

So far...

So far, not much progress on my 10-minute solution. And the reason is that I have read two books already this year! I'm telling you the truth - two 400-page books. If that isn't a good reason not to write, exercise, and meditate, I don't know what is.

So of course, you want to know what I've been reading that has me forsaking my promises so early in the year. First, Mary Karr's new book, Lit, the story of her alcoholism and recovery. Karr is first and foremost a poet, and though her story brought to mind Anne Lamott's book, Traveling Mercies, it is written in a more poetic writing style, with less humor. I strongly identified with Karr's drinking habits, struggle to stay sober, and her search for a meaningful Higher Power.

The second book I read is a young adult novel entitled, The Hunger Games, by Suzanne Collins. This book reminded me of a story I read years ago, "The Running Man" by Stephen King. The similarity is that it is a story set in the future where humans are pitted against one another to the death for the entertainment of society.

I have the sequel to The Hunger Games, Catching Fire, and the first book did end with a teaser....I guess the resolutions can wait one more day.

10-Minute Solution

I think it is appropriate that I am finally getting around to posting, and it's 10:10. Why is that significant you ask? Because I have decided that I will adopt a new way of self-care, ten minutes at a time. You know, sort of like the 10-Minute Solution that is in every magazine in the world in the month of January.

There are three things that I would like to regularly incorporate into my life: disciplined writing, regular exercise, and time for meditation.

You may remember a few weeks ago, I posted about writing in ten-minute intervals. Yesterday, I thought, Why not adopt the ten-minute interval for everything you want to do?

I've read and heard that exercise done three times a day for ten minutes is as good as one thirty minute session. And I know I can meditate for ten minutes without getting squirmy (I've actually done as many as forty minutes), so that should be manageable too.

Who can't spare ten minutes three or four times a day? I spend that much time checking Facebook, reading blogs and horoscopes, playing solitaire, daydreaming on and off all day. I figure too that once I start writing/walking/meditating for ten minutes, it'll be so enjoyable that I'll want to do it a little longer.

I'll keep you posted, but my plan is to start on New Years Day. And since I made that other change in my life four years ago, I won't be hungover. Nice feeling. Really.

I miss you...

I really miss you. I promise a post tomorrow. Isn't Christmas crazy? And aren't you excited about the blue moon? Next one: 2028. I think we better party!

Writers Around the Table

Last night a friend and I hosted a Winter Solstice Reading Night. My friend made all the desserts and I got the tables ready. My part was the easiest as she made coconut cake, tropical fruitcake, sweet potato cake, chocolate cake, and two different kinds of cookies (did I remember everything?).



The table was set and the fire was laid. All that was missing was the friends. There's something very exciting about a waiting room, the anticipation of the evening a palpable presence.



Everyone arrived within a few minutes of each other, and bringing our happiness at being together, our excitement about reading our work to each other, and the inevitable sugar buzz from all those goodies, we sat down at the table.




After reading our wonderful words, we discussed publishing and news media and the future of both. We shared our favorite books of the year, a very diverse list ranging from the Anne of Green Gables to the Twilight series to Dickens.

For me, it was the beginning of the celebration of the holidays, a time to sit and listen and be simply present. We decided to meet again soon. It was definitely about sharing as writers, but I also think it had a lot to do with the desserts!

J A Konrath Gets Me

Last night I worked in the darkroom on the two photographs above. It was the best night of class because I actually was able to bring out things in the photographs that were too bright, print one photo correctly right from the start, and ask very few questions in the process. Hooked!

On another note, I follow a blog by writer J A Konrath. And ninety-nine percent of what he says gets me here {pointing to her gut} because he is so right on about what holds us new writers back from ever going anywhere.

So if you're like me, but want to change all that, go here and read his 2010 resolutions for writers. Copy it and tape it wherever you keep your writing utensils. Refer to it often. It's the truth, and it hurts, but it is inspiring too.

I'm trying to work myself out of a major funk (did you notice I've spared you the posts for a few days). Tonight I'm sitting by the fire, computer in my lap, kitties on the rug, pretending that I don't have a million things to do - most of which are pleasurable but the list is long - and taking it easy. I should probably take the advice that has been fairly consistent from my DailyOm horoscope and meditate on that spot where J A Konrath gets to me, or my heart center at least.

It's Friday, it's snowing, my family is all heading my way. I'm going to effect an attitude adjustment tonight. Catch you on the other side.

Up and Down

This is what my brain looks like lately. Christmas, work, everything up and down and all around in my poor little head.

Down: Business is a drain; time is at a premium; I'm easily irritated by things and am taking twice as long to get over them. I don't know what to get my kids for Christmas and I just read an article about how lazy it is to give them money. There are a couple of people I'd like to tell to get lost. It's cold. And foggy and rainy too. I can't stop gritting my teeth.

Up: I've had all my yearly check-ups and except for cholesterol (bad is bad) and low Vitamin D, I'm in good shape. My doctor is working with me so that I don't have to take prescription drugs. She's been listening! I have some beautiful photographs to put in cards for Christmas presents. My friend's memorial service was an amazing tribute and very moving. I have my classes, a couple of gatherings with friends at my house, time with family, and some fun lunches to look forward to.

All around: As long as I end each day with a sense of accomplishment, understand that it will all get done, and keep uppermost in my head that friends and family are the most important, I'll be okay.

Now for a more thoughtful post from a friend of mine.

Being with Friends

Tomorrow I'm taking an overnight trip to Oriental to be with friends. Normally, I would spend the whole weekend there, but because of obligations on Saturday I have to come back.

I used to spend every Thursday night with these women. When we first started getting together, we committed to a year of once-a-week meetings and used Cheryl Richardson's book, Life Makeovers, for our discussions. I fixed dinner and we sat around my dining room table or on my deck. I took Wednesdays off to shop and fix the food, and a lot of love went into the preparations.

After the first year, we did another self-help book, Get Out of Your Own Way, and dug a little deeper into our lives, learned a lot about each other even though we'd been friends for many years. After that book, we tried several others, but a few of the women weren't really interested in continuing in the self-help/exploring vein. They wanted a place to come, relax, have dinner, and be with friends.

About the time that this was happening, I quit drinking. Then a year later, I quit smoking. And I realized something: as much as I loved fixing dinner and being with my friends, I loved learning about things too. And I also realized that a good deal of my motivation for setting up the gatherings was so that I could drink.

Fairly abruptly, I quit hosting the weekly gatherings. I don't know how my friends feel about my doing it--no one has said--and we started getting together once a month at different houses. It's a relaxed atmosphere, no agenda, snacks or light dinners prepared by the hostess.

It worked out for all of us, I guess, and I've involved myself in photography classes and writing class and am keeping an eye out for people who might want to form a book discussion group. For now I'm content to be at home on most Thursday nights when my husband plays music, and enjoy the solitude and quiet, and once a month relax with my friends.

It's going to be different this year at the Oriental Spirit of Christmas gathering because one of the regulars won't be there. We're going to miss you, Peetro.

Looking for the Perfect Gift?

Hey, book lovers, listen up! Fresh from the Big Crafty in Asheville, North Carolina, The AyBeeCees has been posting new handmade books today. You won't find a better gift for the journaler, organizer, artist, and collector among your family and friends. Visit daily for the next few days if you don't see exactly what you want today, and they also special order.

I'm drooling....

Perspective

I caught the tail end of a story on the news tonight about a young boy who loved football. As a baby, he had a type of cancer that caused him to lose an eye, and now he was going to lose the other one. He wanted to see a football game, and the team embraced him, took him on the field, played ball with him. One of the players came to the hospital the day of his surgery. At that point, the boy finally broke down and cried. "I realized that that was the last time I was going to see anything," he said.

Puts a couple of bad days in perspective.

What Makes Me Feel Better

Around my computer at work, there are things that are supposed to cheer me up when I'm feeling blue, sayings that I use in cards, notes from family. Even when I'm having a bad day I can look at those notes and feel better.

The first thing I see is my screen. It's a picture I took of my new cat watching "cat TV" but beyond that it is a nice photograph with a reflective feel to it.

There are two notes from family members. One is from my sister, a heart-shaped note that she attached to a fake check for a million dollars. It says, "Love you, miss you, see you soon! Bip." This note reminds me that I am loved by my dad and siblings. The second note was stuck to my desk by my daughter when she worked with me last year. It says, "Love you ever so much, ma." I think of my children when I read this, glad they that are employed, have comfortable places to live, and that they love me, their dad, and each other.

Then there are the quotes I use for cards. For birthdays, the following poem:

Beautiful young people are accidents of nature.
Beautiful old people are works of art.

For sympathy cards, this quote by Kahlil Gibran is one of my favorites:

I have passed a mountain peak and my soul is soaring in the firmament of complete and unbound freedom. I am in comfort. I am in peace.

There are a few spiritual quotes:

God has left us love notes scattered extravagantly across creation.

I entrust the good desires of my heart to God's loving care, and I know that with God all things are possible.

Positive and negative impulses exist within us all. Those of us who shine brightest are not those who have no darker side, but those who are fully aware of their negativity, who keep their darkness in check by increasing their light.

There are a few frivolous things too. A fortune from a Chinese fortune cookie reads, "You are appreciated by your company." The lyrics from a Madonna song, "And the money kept rolling in from every side." Two arrows from tax returns that say, "Sign here."

But the simplest quote is the one that touches me most, and with this one I'll end my circular route around my computer screen.

IN YOUR HEART, YOU ALREADY KNOW.

Pushing on

Today I got a phone bill at the office that was twice our normal bill. It seems that last month, when I called to make sure we were on the most cost-efficient plan, the person who "helped" me decided to add internet service to our account. My theory is that she gets some kind of bonus for selling things, and doesn't care one iota that I had to spend a good hour getting it taken off. And to complain about it? I just don't have the time.

I'm beginning to walk around with blinders on to what's happening around me. Thirty thousand more of our young men and women to Afghanistan. Banks taking my money and paying it out to their executives. Credit card companies increasing their fees before deadlines that have now been extended. The right wingers' contention that global warming isn't real. Unemployment, homelessness, agencies without funds. I'm sick of looking. I can't begin to think of how to overcome my complete inability to feel in control of my world.

Today was, to tell you the truth, another bitch of a day. And like last night, I had something planned after work. I thought several times of skipping it; it was an ornament-making class at Gallery Shibui and I just felt too tired to go. I didn't know where the studio was and it was dark, so I told myself that I wasn't going to mess around trying to find it. I like to throw obstacles in my way like that. In spite of myself, I found the studio.

What a wonderful class. Alice Southwick is a creative, talented teacher, and there were only two other people in the class so we got extra attention. At the end of the class, I was tired, but very happy that I went. Here is what we made:



I'm hopeful that tomorrow is going to be a better day. Fingers, toes and eyes crossed.

Gotta B**ch

I hate to end the posting drought with a gripe-fest, but I must. Today was horrible. Here's why:

1. It was supposed to be my day off. I had to work.

2. It has rained all day. Cold rain during the morning, steamy rain tonight. I've had to go in and out many times, and had to walk a few blocks in it to meet some people for lunch.

3. Today is my mother-in-law's birthday. When I went to the store to buy her some tiramisu, the bakery lady smashed the top of one piece putting them in the container. When I asked her to get me another one, she didn't even attempt to hide her irritation. So I gave her a good taste of my irritation, letting her know that if it was too much trouble I'd be glad to forgo my purchase.

4. When I went to my mother-in-law's to visit, an old acquaintance of hers called and wanted to catch up on both her news and our news--about twenty minutes worth--and the entire time we're talking my MIL is waving and shaking her head and mouthing, "I don't want to talk to her." Duh. Neither did I.

5. One cat threw up on my dining room rug and the other peed in the entrance hall.

6. Three words: banks, clients, and churches. Don't get me started.

7. I'm feeling decidedly un-prosperous right now. And this just isn't like me.

I came home from work tonight thinking I might skip my darkroom photography class. I went anyway. And although I spent all night on one photograph, I feel very happy with it. And so, to end this decidedly crappy day, here is my first ever posted black and white photograph.



I thank you all for listening.

Getting Ready

The other day I read a blog post from a woman with four children. They were traveling and she had packed all she and the children needed for the trip. Her husband needed only to get his little ditty bag ready and load everything in the car. However, when they got to their destination, he asked, "Honey, did we pack my lotion?" Needless to say the rest of the post should have been unprintable, but she managed to finish the story without curse words.

I know what she means. Wednesday night we gave a party for my husband's minister, celebrating his twenty years at the church. I cleaned the house, bought the food, hid 500 items of clutter, prepared the food, set out the food, went to church, and came home to light candles and turn on the music (a playlist I had carefully prepared sometime during the day) and await the company.

Five minutes after everyone had gotten here, my husband loudly asked why the music was so soft. And what was that playing? I ignored him. Why were we playing the music on my small IPod player and not through the speakers, he went on. The music was playing through the speakers, so I continued to ignore him.

On the dining room table, there were ham biscuits, fruit and vegetables that I had cut up, cheeses, desserts. Around the kitchen there were containers of nuts and sesame sticks. There was one dish of chips and salsa. As soon as the chips and salsa were gone, my husband loudly asked if we had any more salsa.

My point is this: There was no we to anything that had gone into the preparation for the party.

That said, let's get back to the blog post I mentioned earlier. My husband once said that men don't wear "outfits" and this was hilarious to me at the time. But when we were going on a trip, the fact that girls and women wear outfits was my biggest advantage. I could tell my daughters, "Three outfits," and they could pack their entire wardrobe for the trip. I didn't care if the outfit components matched as long as there were socks, underwear, shoes, shirts, and pants for every day of the trip. I could add, "One dressy outfit" to the instructions and they could execute that part too. Young as they were, they understood the concept of packing in outfits.

I guess I'm rambling here, set off by the inability of the husband in the blog post to perform a task that even my young daughters could do--that is get himself packed and ready for the trip--and the fact that he asked if his wife had brought the thing he had forgotten. Even my daughters would have said, "Mommy, I forgot my toothbrush," or their Sunday shoes or whatever they didn't pack.

I will say that I felt avenged at the party Wednesday night when my husband changed the music to a playlist that was entitled, "Dance Party" and he thought he was getting the Rolling Stones and other rock musicians. It was disco music, and I laughed out loud when I heard the Village People do the intro to "YMCA" - my husband HATES disco music.

Irony: The daily reading today says, "Everything that irritates us about someone else should lead us to an understanding of ourselves." Carl Jung