Voids

I'm not good with voids.

When I am with someone and the conversation dies down, I feel an obligation to keep it going.

When my husband and I are in the car for a while and nothing has been said, I ask, "What are you thinking about?" just to say something.

I will give someone a day or two to answer an email and then I'm prone to write and say, "Did you get my email?"

Waiting for rejections (and one day maybe an acceptance letter) on stories I've submitted is torture.

Stop lights, grocery store lines, price quotes, anything I have to wait for gets on my nerves.

This year, I'm trying to be comfortable with the voids. Wait patiently. Sit quietly with my own thoughts. I have to talk to myself all the time - another way of filling the void, I guess - but maybe soon I'll be able to shush that voice up too.

I know when I meditate, it becomes easier to quiet myself during the rest of the day. At night, I take a few minutes to read a poem or an inspirational message, or pick an angel card (written on each of them is one word, i.e. inspiration or trust or compassion) for tomorrow. I reflect on how the word I drew the day before manifested itself in the present day.

Maybe it's all a part of the process of being comfortable with myself. I've been with this person called Mamie almost sixty years. I hope to be able to sit peacefully with her in 2012.

Next week: Less is more (and I don't mean things....)