Tuesday, October 30, 2007

the spins

My husband cautions me when I relate this story or that not to "spin it out." I'm amazed at how often we make up a story about something that could not be farther from the truth.

I had been sending a weekly card to my friend with cancer. Some of the messages were a little out there, but she's known me since college--I was crazy then and I'm crazy now. I started to worry that I had been over the top. This is where the story starts its spinning. I try to figure out a way to get in touch with her thinking I would get a hint from her voice if she thought I was nuts. Her number was unlisted. I called another Meredith friend. She and her husband work together in a family business, and I left a message for her to call me if she had the number. Then I emailed someone on the Caringbridge site that was a designated contact for people who wanted to get a message to the family. I found my friend's work email address and sent a message there too but got an automated reply that someone was checking her mail for her and would get the message to her if it was important. (whirr whirr) At this point I'm worried that I'm looking like a crazy stalker kind of person. What if all these people are letting her know I'm frantically trying to contact her? And why won't anybody call me or email be back? THEN there was a new post on her Caringbridge site and I didn't get an email notification. (whirr whirr) My sick friend has asked everyone to please not have any contact with that crazy Mamie. "Take her name off the notification list. And no, I don't need her offer of help"....See how it all gets out of control?

The truth of the matter was that the friend at the jewelry store was out of the country visiting her mom and had divorced the husband and was out of the jewelry business. The contact for the family was dealing with organizing food and transportation and the new issue of the husband's death. And the Internet isn't infallible--I just didn't get the notification. Period. When I finally talked to my friend last night she told me she loved my cards and looked forward to getting them each week.

Why do we build on our insecurities? Why can't we have faith in ourselves--faith that the universe is working with us for the best outcomes. Faith that we're good people and are recognized as such. Maybe next time I'll have a little patience to see what is really going on before I spin out. But I doubt it.

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