Friday, December 31, 2010

Saying Good-bye

I'm a bit reluctant to say good-bye to 2010. Sure, I'm glad to have the cancer treatments behind me. I'm glad we're not worried about business. And new years equal new opportunities and new possibilities.

But to tell you the truth, I feel sad to say good-bye too, because it feels like a farewell to my dad. Tomorrow his death will be "last year", the final days of his life will have taken place "last year", the time we spent together will have ended "last year".

I looked over my calendar for 2010 as I noted birthdays and anniversaries on 2011's. I remembered the night we went to see Joshua Bell, the day I went to Greensboro to see Porgy and Bess, the workshop that was interrupted by his final trip to the hospital. I saw his birthday noted in red, and thought about going into Harris Teeter, asking for a cake that said, "Happy 88th Birthday, Dad", knowing that he would never see it, or see another birthday for that matter.

I'm going to say it now: "Good-bye, Dad. Last year was tough, and losing you was the hardest part. But I'm going to be facing toward the future now, taking you with me in my heart."

Okay. I'm looking forward to looking back on 2010. All peace and happiness to you in 2011, and may your new days be filled with the love of friends and family.

Rabbit, rabbit.


Nneka said...

Wow Mamie! That was a great post. I've been holding onto some baggage for the past 3 years (divorce, lots of regret).

I'll follow your lead and say goodbye this year:-)

Greta said...

Thanks for using the photo of your Dad. I felt like I knew him from your posts. I remember the year Mike and I both lost our physical mothers. I'm fortunate that she's still with me in spirit. Mom would want me to say, "God doesn't put anything on you that you can't bear." I've often wished I had her faith. Good-bye 2010, hello 2011!