The next step

Some of you long-time readers may remember this post about my doctor. I went to see him today to decide what I need to do next.

I went with this attitude: I HATE RADIATION THERAPY AND WANT SOMEONE TO TELL ME THAT I DON'T HAVE TO HAVE IT!!!! In the back of my mind though, trying to help me prepare for all things associated with dealing with this little cancer, was a voice telling me that I was probably going to have to face the zapper.

At every step of the way of this diagnosis and treatment, I have been surprised. Unpleasantly so. Every time. And in a way today was no exception. I had been told by the surgeon the best news: the tumor was gone. All of it. So when I went to see my doctor today, I was shocked to find out that out of three grades of tumor, mine was a 3, the most advanced kind. Normally DCIS tumors are a 2.

First, though, he asked me to tell him my understanding of my situation. I explained what I knew. He went over item by item the pathology of the tumor. Then he told me what having radiation therapy would probably be like. And it sounded bearable. Maybe I could do it.

He asked would I be willing to go to the hospital where he knows all the radiation therapists. He likes to match his patient's personality with the therapist's, he said. He said he thinks I will get along great with this particular woman. Can you imagine the compassion of a doctor who thinks that way? God. So he's going to talk to her tomorrow and set up an appointment for us "to talk". That's all he's asking me to do right now.

And so, although I've had shocks along the way, I've been able to handle this one thing at a time. Not thinking or worrying too much ahead. Just doing the next thing I need to do.

Before we left, I told my doctor how grateful I am for him. And I, who thought I'd be bawling when I left, was smiling. Big smile.

Thank you again, Dr. Dunlap. I wish everyone in the world had a doctor like you.

Mostly Sunny

Things are sorting themselves out here, and I'm feeling much better than before. Here's the status of things:

1. My dad is holding his own, and I'm not needing to spend as much time with him as before. Thankfully, my brother and one sister have been holding down the fort because:
2. A few weeks ago I was diagnosed with a very early form of breast cancer called DCIS. There is debate about whether it is actually cancer, whether more sophisticated mammographies are causing over-reactions, and how to diagnose and treat it. But I have had an ultrasound breast core biopsy (local anesthesia) and surgical biopsy (general anesthesia) to figure out what's going on. I got the good news from my surgeon this week that the cancer was confined to the tumor, that I do not a have a genetic marker for breast cancer, and that it is not in my lymph nodes. Excellent report. I may have to have radiation, but will meet with my doctor tomorrow for more details. Let me put this on the table, though: radiation freaks me out.
3. Work has simmered down some. We finally got paid by our client and this has eased the financial pressure that his non-payment had put on us. I have to say, to the credit of our company, that all of our suppliers and subcontractors expressed complete confidence in us during the process. This was gratifying.

So thanks for putting up with the mystery of my discontent and worry. I hope to be writing regularly again, with thoughtful posts and positive thoughts. I haven't been comfortable in the unhappiness.