Waiting to be waited on

Today I was balancing the corporate checkbook and one of the figures included 666. Whoa, trouble. Sure enough, I couldn't get the account balanced to the statement.

I know, I know, who in the heck tries to balance the checkbook on Friday afternoon. What did I expect? So I added a few more numbers and the total included the numbers 777. That was a good sign, I thought. But I forgot that I was working with the bank from hell. Hell (666) is no match for a good accounting person (777).

To make a short story longer, I do not trust my bank. Ninety-nine percent of the time I'm having trouble getting things to add up, they have screwed up. This time it was a doozy.

(It was such a doozy that I just tried to write down what happened and got confused all over again! Think I'll skip that part and not contribute any more to a headache that came on shortly after I knew I was going to have to call what used to be called customer service and is now more formally called client relations.)

The client relationship banker (gawd) said as he hung up, "I'll get right back to you," although I know he was looking at that piece of paper with the numbers written on it going, "WTF??" He was probably smarter than I, and decided to immediately lock his door and go home for the weekend because I never heard from him.

On other customer relations issues, I was in Whole Foods today looking for a product that has been missing from the shelves for several weeks. I waited patiently for several minutes while one "associate" talked on the phone to her friend next to another associate who was working with her back to me on a computer. Finally, I walked away. Associate number three sees me and asks can she help. Yes, I said, I'm looking for the aromatherapy diffusers, wondering when they might be coming in. OK, let me check, she says. I walk around to another part of the store and come back to see associate number three standing beside the one on the phone and the one on the computer. Are you waiting to ask the girl on the phone? I asked. Yes, she said. I'll order online, thanks, I said, and as she smiled like that was a good idea (what are they THINKING???) I added coldly, Not from the Whole Foods website.

I was going to write about unconditional love tonight, but right now I'm just looking for some unconditional customer service.