Weekend in Pictures

Gray day, moving day

Today, after being at Southport Marina for a year (I can't believe it has been that long), we moved the boat to the old Bald Head Island ferry landing. After a restful morning, we headed out.



It has been a very cloudy, windy day, and I was glad it was a short ride to the new marina.



The view from the back of the boat is great - trees and sky. We've never been in such a natural setting in a marina.



Our friend Mike came over and helped us get settled. He also gave my husband a lift back to the car. We are now about a mile from town. This'll be a great bike ride when the spring comes, but today would have been chilly.



The best part of the new marina is that the old welcome center for the ferry riders is part of the usable space. The bathrooms and shower are there, and also a lounge area and a small bar counter. Lots of dock space too. Until the Mitchell brothers (who own Bald Head Island) catch wind of it, we'll be able to have some nice gatherings in the space.



I've calmed down completely since my savage rant of yesterday. I finished reading Amy Bloom's new book of stories, Where the God of Love Hangs Out, and it is as fine a collection as her others. She writes about love as well and as freshly as anyone I know. I am almost through with Yann Martel's new book, Beatrice and Virgil. As he did in Life of Pi, he uses animals in a very creative and thoughtful way. It's excellent!

I needed this restful weekend, and am very thankful for the peace I feel.

RANT revisited

Maybe it was enough to have this post in cyberspace and off my mind.

My friend gave me a plate that said, "Be nice or go home."

I think I'll go home now.

The weekend in pictures

Enough sun and cats to go around.

Television

Last night, my daughter and I were watching American Idol. You already knew I was a fan, right? "I love this show!" I said as I alternately laughed and cried. I'm a sucker for this kind of emotional roller coaster.

After the show, she flipped to TLC, where "Toddlers and Tiaras" was showing overweight beauty queen wannabes and their daughters, who though around five years old, are made up to look like fifty-year-old country singers. I said, "Is this Tiaras and Toddlers?" and my daughter said, "Toddlers and Tiaras??" in the disdainful way only daughters speak to their mothers. "You never watched television when we were young," she said.

Was this a criticism of me then, or a criticism of me now? Because I could just tell by the way she said it that she wasn't happy about the fact that I only started watching television since she and her sisters left home.

"Well, I don't watch television THAT much," I said. "Only Jon Stewart and What Not To Wear," I said. And then I thought, and My First Home, Extreme Makeover Home Edition, American Idol, News 14 Carolina every morning and night, Community Calendar when they have those weird programs, Monkey Time...."

Shoot, okay, I watch a little television. And maybe, just maybe, this could be a clue to how little time I have to read good books and write intriguing short stories. But now that Jon and Kate split up, I'll have a little more time.

The Kaizen Way

I think it was my blogger friend, Billie who mentioned the book, One Small Step Can Change Your Life. On our way to the coast and back I read the book out loud to my husband. What a revolutionary idea it proposes!

Using a method called Kaizen, author Robert Maurer suggests that rather than attempting broad, challenging changes in our lives, that we start with small baby steps. This way of attempting self-improvement disarms the "fight or flight" reaction most of us have when stopping a bad habit or adopting a good one.

Thinking small, we are encouraged to ask small questions, think small thoughts, take small actions, solve small problems, bestow small rewards, and identify small moments. This is so contrary to how we suppose we are to effect change, but Maurer's every suggestion made great sense.

I have, without knowing about Kaizen, already used some of the techniques. For instance, when I wanted to quit smoking, I started by asking myself small questions. What would I do instead of smoking in this or that instance? What could I do to satisfy my oral craving? In this way, I did not jump in and give up smoking immediately, but I got myself thinking ahead in small ways about how not smoking would change my life.

I resist the need to exercise. Maurer suggested to one of his patients that she march in place for one minute while watching television. To another, he said, STAND on the treadmill for one minute each night. Increase to two minutes, then walk on the treadmill for two minutes, and so on. If you find yourself resisting, go back to a smaller step.

I am going to take his suggestion to heart. I have a yoga book from years ago that gives 28 days of poses, starting from simple to hard. I'm going to do the first day, one pose. Then, when I feel comfortable with that simple small action, I will move to the second pose. Not in 28 days, but in my time.

I'm my own worst enemy when it comes to making my life better. Maybe with Kaizen, I can trick myself out of rebelling.

Bathroom Books

Yes, maybe the winter weather is freezing my brain, and maybe all I have to talk about today is...bathroom books.

There are books in every room of my house. Except two hallways and the laundry room. And my bathroom books, I like to think, are interesting. No "Bathroom Jokebook" will ever be found in my powder room! Here is what you'll find:

Leisure Time: for assurance of a fuller life: This book is copyrighted in 1957 and is a publication of The Equitable Life Insurance Company. I found it at Father and Son, an antique and junque shop in downtown Raleigh. It is full of tips about how to live healthfully. Hobby suggestions are on this page, hobbies being a way of living a full, satisfying life.

Don'ts for Dancers: This is a very small, purple book that was first published in 1925. I saw it sitting on my friend Nancy Olson's desk and asked if I could have it. Oh the tips you will find in this book. "Don't be unhappy because you are wearing an old frock. Remember that it is not so old to other people as it is to you. You may think it shabby, but you are invariably more critical than they. And it isn't your frock, but the way you dance, that matters to your partner."



Facts of Life and Love for Teenagers: Published in 1950 by the National Board of YMCA's and costing 25 cents, it contains the warning, "This is a good book for adolescents and for their parents. It may shock some but it is likely to help teenagers." This quote is from Bible Teacher, and I'm not sure if that is a magazine or a person. It includes a whole chapter called, "Love Out of Bounds" with subtitles like, "Loving a Married Woman." This, folks, is shocking material for a teenager in the fifties!



Myth and Romance: The Art of J W Waterhouse: Soft porn, anyone? Waterhouse is an artist from the late 1800's, early 1900's. The introduction to the book, interestingly enough, uses words like "fertile" to describe his imagination, and "wistful female beauties" with regard to his subjects. Both appropriate descriptions.


14,000 Things to Be Happy About: This is the book that has been in my bathroom the longest. The figure on top was made in school by my middle daughter. I can always tell when someone has been reading the book because the smiling figure has been taken off and put to the side.



I will end this post with a few of the 14,000 things to be happy about that I find to be most puzzling:

tiny satin pouches
long Edwardian jackets
pH
nubby cotton
stereopticons
"It's key"
swell sounds
skinny rings
sliding shorts
blond silk string with blond beads
the nickname "Boo Boo"
making up dreams in bed
pens with clocks in them
touching someone's rings
Turk's head nautical knot

Get the picture? Enjoy the rest of your weekend!

Nicholas Sparks

Back when he was just becoming an author whose name people knew, Nicholas Sparks was scheduled to come to Barnes and Noble. Because his novels are light-hearted stories for the big-hearted, Nancy didn't take him seriously and it was fine with her that he wasn't coming to her store.

Something happened at the B&N, though, and the publicist called Nancy at the last minute and asked if Sparks could read at her store. She agreed, and asked me if I would introduce him.

I was very excited! I had it all planned how I would tell the story of knowing him from the Book Nook, finding out he'd written a book set in NC, etc. I also wanted to meet him.

About thirty minutes before the reading, the door to the bookstore started swinging open and (mostly) women of all ages started arriving. Soon the seats that had been put out were full and the staff was bringing out more. Then those seats were full and it was standing room only.

Nicholas Sparks arrived, and started charming the pants off those women. He mingled and signed books, and chatted and smiled that charming smile, and I was just itching to get to the podium.

Nancy came out of the back of the store and saw what was going on. And with no more thought of me she marched to the front of the store, welcomed Nicholas like he was the author she'd been waiting for all her life, and proceeded to introduce him!

I've forgiven her because I love her so much. And she did let me introduce Joyce Carol Oates who said it was one of the most enjoyable introductions she'd ever heard. But I'll never let her forget that she swept me aside like a piece of dirt on the bookstore carpet, and stole the stage from me that night!

Every time I hear of another book or movie hit by author Nicholas Sparks, I remember when he was a nobody, and I knew him. Sort of.

I've looked in my blog archives trying to find an old post about why I keep my AOL account, the nostalgia associated with my first connection to the Internet, but I can't locate it. In the beginning, one of the things I loved about AOL was its chat rooms. Nancy Olson (owner of Quail Ridge Books) and I used to go into this room called "The Book Nook" where we talked about books (of course) and came to know (in the cyber-way) quite a few people. Some of them came to Raleigh eventually, and we got to meet them.

A frequent visitor to the chat room told me one night that he was getting ready to publish a book set in North Carolina. I jumped all over this, insisting that he contact Nancy when it came out, because she is such a great supporter of local writers.

It was Nicholas Sparks. I'd say he's come a long way from "The Book Nook".

Next: "The Time Nicholas Sparks Came to Quail Ridge Books"

Coindence or Synchronicity?

Today at church, my husband's gospel band played. They play about once a quarter.

Also today we had an unusually high number of visitors. They ran out of hand-outs for them; there were that many. At the 9:00 service, there was one visitor I thought I knew. After the service I walked over to say hello, and realized after talking to him for a minute that he wasn't the person I thought he was, but was an old acquaintance.

It was the first time he had ever come, and he told me this: On the way to church he had been listening to a demo tape of the gospel band. At one time, I handed out quite a few of the CDs, but have no idea how he came to be in possession of one, nor did he. When he walked in the church and saw that the band was playing, he was bowled over.

Now what are the chances that he would have the CD, listen to it on the way to visit a new church, and show up to find that the band that plays once a quarter is the same band he was listening to?

It was a great day at the church. The message was on two of Unity's principles: practice affirmations and denials (denials in the sense of refusing to give in to negative feelings, etc.) and put the principles into practice. The minister touched on the importance of meditation in bridging the gap between our conscious minds and our super-conscious minds. I don't know if "super-conscious" is a psychological term or not, but he used it in the sense of our higher self, our highest potential.

I'm ready to face the week with the strength I gained from what went on today: great music, inspiration, and serendipitous occurrences.

Gems

For my birthday, a friend gave me this beautiful book. I keep it by my computer and every day, once or twice, I randomly open it. I am always amazed at the wisdom on each page.

I have tried to order it from my local bookstore with no luck. At the used book sites online, copies are going for over $50. My friend bought it, I believe, off the table of one of the big box book stores, and even they are sold out of it. I'd love to find more copies of it to give as gifts.

Today I opened to this page:

to be curious

Knowledge won't find us, we must find it.
Every day is a chance to learn something new.
Cast your net wide,
Open your mind to the excitement of learning.
Curiosity keeps us young at heart and mind.
When we stop learning, we stop living.

"I have no special talents. I am only passionately curious." - Albert Einstein

As always the page speaks to me. I have been so pleased with my work in the darkroom, a new knowledge that I'm acquiring. And a heads up: my friend and I will be showing our work for the project "Picturing Moore Square" in the Longview Center Gallery on April 2.

This project has taken me outside of my comfort zone in many ways. I'm taking film photographs again, black and white to boot. I've approached strangers, entered unfamiliar and even sinister spaces, learned to make a video on the computer. I've made a good friend of the girl I'm working with. I'm s-t-r-e-t-c-h-i-n-g. It feels good.

Welcome to my new world

My church is participating in the movement A Complaint Free World, and will be hosting author Will Bowen as part of the event.

I'm all for this, because I hate a bunch of complaining. But wait, that's complaining.

I figure I'm not going to be very good at being a complaint free person, so I have decided to start my own movement. I'm calling it "A Control Free World".

So when someone I know is making a decision that I think is stupid, I'm not going to say a word. I can't control their actions, can I? And when someone I know needs a good talking to, I'm going to keep my mouth shut. Their internal dialog would probably drown me out anyway, right? When I ask my husband to help out with some little something at home or at work, and he does it the wrong way, I will not correct him. Nor will I go back and do it the right way; it'll just have to be wrong, okay?

Seriously though, I am really trying to keep my nose out of places it doesn't belong. I cannot control all the actions of the people in my life; I don't have to advise them when they haven't asked; and sometimes I'm just going to have to accept that their way isn't my way.

It's tough. And I'm not kidding. As a mother and bossy person, it takes all the will power I can muster to butt out. But I'm going to stay committed to my new movement. And when I'm butting out, there are a lot less people complaining about me, right? So in my own way, I'll be doing my part for a Complaint Free World.

Money

My husband and I, as most of you know, are in the construction business. Times are tough, but we've survived. There is a lot to be said for that, and I credit my husband's ability to market our company with our survival.

Lately, though, I've been feeling, well, miserly. Holding our money close and not giving as much to charity. Now I'm a person who has religiously (excuse the pun) given ten percent of everything we make to church, the Salvation Army, Food Bank, UMCOR, over the years. One particularly down year, even though we were living on our savings and much to my husband's chagrin, I continued to give ten percent. But towards the end of last year, I cut back on my donations.

When the earthquake hit Haiti, I knew I had to do something. I didn't really have the cash to give, so I charged a donation to my credit card. I figured even if I had to make a minimum payment over a few months, I should donate.

Since I made that donation, I have received two checks in the mail amounting to FIVE TIMES the amount of the donation. One check I was expecting, but the other was a refigured tax refund from the IRS from 2008, with interest.

Universe, are you trying to tell me something? Because you have my full attention now.

On Fire

I apologize for taking so long to get back to you - I've thought about writing every day. Really.

Before I post anything else, I have to go back to my last post about writing. Specifically the part where I said, "We are on fire!" Because what I mean here is not that I get up every morning on fire to go to my desk and write fabulous short stories. This is absolutely not true. In fact, I would say, after being with all those writers at the workshop, that sitting down at the place where we write takes a great deal of willpower. Because, you see, we want to write, we are on fire with ideas, but we find all kinds of excuses to keep us from putting the ideas on paper.

One of the books that writer Peggy Payne mentioned in her blog and in the workshop is The War of Art by Steven Pressfield. On our way to the beach and home again this weekend, I read this little gem out loud so my husband could enjoy it too. I want to urge every artist, writer, dreamer, idea person, every person who wants to do a thing in the worst way, to buy this book and read it.

What I like about the book is the way it pegs the resistance that we throw in the face of achieving our potential, and the way it defines those who will succeed in overcoming resistance ("professionals") versus those who won't ("amateurs"). This part is great. But my favorite idea in the book is that I am a vessel of my talent, that there is a muse or angel or Someone who has my back as I pursue my talent, and that I have been put on this earth to fully realize my artistic best.

After participating in the workshop and reading the Pressfield book, I feel reassured that I am doing some things right. And I am on fire with stories and characters and plots. I just need to look Resistance in the face, spit in his eye, and put my hands on the keyboard. I've got what it takes.

Aging, Writing, and Rock & Roll

Today is my birthday, and I've been celebrating in one form or another since Friday night. I think I'm entitled to a whole weekend at my age, don't you?

All week I've been receiving cards from friends and family. And today I've heard from them by phone. My brother's family sang (as did others) but he accompanied the singing on his guitar!



Friday night my husband's band, SPOT, played for a going-away party. There were more people than usual and the crowd was happy and dancing. Now you know that when I quit drinking, I quit dancing, but when Frank Gordon started in on the Ramones' "I Wanna Be Sedated" I had to shake a leg. And then the other leg started shaking and my arms joined in! It was a great night, but I only got four hours of sleep that night.



Yesterday, I went to a workshop facilitated by author Peggy Payne called, "Get Your Ganges On" and it was great. The title of the workshop came from Peggy's own India experience and her feeling that the river is her writing symbol, or the companion on her writing journey. I decided that mine would be a butterfly, a symbol that comes up often around my writing. A butterfly "takes off" in the same way that I would like my writing to do, and it is so beautiful that people often say, "Oooooh" or "Whoa, how gorgeous" in ways that I would like to hear them talk about my work! Here is a doodle I did of a dammed river:



A few of the tips that I got yesterday:

1. Drop the self-consciousness around my writing.
2. Continue to learn the craft of writing.
3. Manage my time in a way that enables me to think of my writing first instead of after "everything is done".
4. Keep my hands in the writing sandpile, touching base with my work often.
5. Connect with my higher power and see my writing as a collaboration between me and the Great Energy. (I loved this!)
6. Learn to recognize resistance in all its forms.

As the day started, I began to notice that certain words came up over and over. And oddly enough, they all began with F. I thought of them as the f-words of writing: Fear, focus, flow, fire. I order them this way because they reflect the order of the writing process: First we are afraid to write, so we focus on the craft and lose our self-consciousness, soon our words begin to flow, and finally we are on fire!

If you ever have a chance to work with Peggy, take it. She wrings good stuff out of me, and leaves me worn out but motivated and excited to carry on.

This has been such a good birthday weekend that next year I may try for a birthday month! At my age, you know....

Writing notes

On my desk is a box with beautiful letter-press thank you notes. I keep looking at it, wondering who I can send a thank you note to.

How I'm Thinking Now

In one of the current editions of The Sun Magazine, "The Dog-Eared Page" is a piece entitled, "The Question Holds the Lantern" and it really spoke to me.

My husband says he wants to read these two paragraphs from the essay every morning over his oatmeal because it reflects how he felt after his trip to Alaska:

If you could imagine the most incredible story ever, it would be less incredible than the story of being here. And the ironic thing is that the story is not a story, it is true. It takes us so long to see where we are. It takes us even longer to see who we are. This is why the greatest gift you could ever dream is a gift that you can only receive from one person. And that person is you yourself. Therefore, the most subversive invitation you could ever accept is the invitation to awaken to who you are and where you have landed....When your soul awakens, you begin to truly inherit your life. You leave the kingdom of fake surfaces, repetitive talk and weary roles and slip deeper into the true adventure of who you are and who you are called to become. The greatest friend of the soul is the unknown. Yet we are afraid of the unknown because it lies outside our vision and our control. We avoid it or quell it by filtering it through our protective barriers of domestication and control. The normal way never leads home.

Once you start to awaken, no one can ever claim you again for the old patterns. Now you realise how precious your time here is. You are no longer willing to squander your essence on undertakings that do not nourish your true self; your patience grows thin with tired talk and dead language. You see through the rosters of expectation which promise you safety and the confirmation of your outer identity. Now you are impatient for growth, willing to put yourself in the way of change. You want your work to become an expression of your gift. You want your relationship to voyage beyond the pallid frontiers to where the danger of transformation dwells. You want your God to be wild and to call you to where your destiny awaits.

In the past five years I have made some amazing changes in my life, changes I never thought possible. "Once you start to awaken, no one can ever claim you again for the old patterns." This sentence alone is earth-shaking in my new world.

I hope you'll take a moment to read the entire essay. And comment.

How I'm doing so far

I'm very happy with the way my 10-Minute Solution is going. I've varied it a little in that I now have to commit to thirty minutes of meditation, writing or exercising a day. I can do any combination of them, as long as the total time spent is the thirty minutes and I cover two of the three.

On Sunday night I sat at my desk with a calendar and set up a tentative schedule for the upcoming week. (I started in earnest on Monday since the weekend was totally lost to reading books.) I did twenty minutes of yoga and ten minutes of meditation. Tuesday I had my writing class, two hours, and then meditated for ten minutes. Today I spent all day revising a story, then had photography class for two hours. I will meditate for ten minutes.

The freedom to choose how I spend the minutes is important. I have a tendency to make rules for myself and then break them - not an admirable tendency, I know - but giving myself choices has motivated me. I may add acceptable things to the list later - my photography classes for instance or other sorts of "improvement behavior" - but for now I'm only going to count the initial three.

Many of the child-rearing books I read when my girls were young pointed out that giving children choices gave them power, and that when they felt powerful they made good choices. I'm reverting to that philosophy for myself, since deep down I tend to act like a rebellious child a lot of the time.

Anyone else want to weigh in on how their resolutions are going?

So far...

So far, not much progress on my 10-minute solution. And the reason is that I have read two books already this year! I'm telling you the truth - two 400-page books. If that isn't a good reason not to write, exercise, and meditate, I don't know what is.

So of course, you want to know what I've been reading that has me forsaking my promises so early in the year. First, Mary Karr's new book, Lit, the story of her alcoholism and recovery. Karr is first and foremost a poet, and though her story brought to mind Anne Lamott's book, Traveling Mercies, it is written in a more poetic writing style, with less humor. I strongly identified with Karr's drinking habits, struggle to stay sober, and her search for a meaningful Higher Power.

The second book I read is a young adult novel entitled, The Hunger Games, by Suzanne Collins. This book reminded me of a story I read years ago, "The Running Man" by Stephen King. The similarity is that it is a story set in the future where humans are pitted against one another to the death for the entertainment of society.

I have the sequel to The Hunger Games, Catching Fire, and the first book did end with a teaser....I guess the resolutions can wait one more day.

10-Minute Solution

I think it is appropriate that I am finally getting around to posting, and it's 10:10. Why is that significant you ask? Because I have decided that I will adopt a new way of self-care, ten minutes at a time. You know, sort of like the 10-Minute Solution that is in every magazine in the world in the month of January.

There are three things that I would like to regularly incorporate into my life: disciplined writing, regular exercise, and time for meditation.

You may remember a few weeks ago, I posted about writing in ten-minute intervals. Yesterday, I thought, Why not adopt the ten-minute interval for everything you want to do?

I've read and heard that exercise done three times a day for ten minutes is as good as one thirty minute session. And I know I can meditate for ten minutes without getting squirmy (I've actually done as many as forty minutes), so that should be manageable too.

Who can't spare ten minutes three or four times a day? I spend that much time checking Facebook, reading blogs and horoscopes, playing solitaire, daydreaming on and off all day. I figure too that once I start writing/walking/meditating for ten minutes, it'll be so enjoyable that I'll want to do it a little longer.

I'll keep you posted, but my plan is to start on New Years Day. And since I made that other change in my life four years ago, I won't be hungover. Nice feeling. Really.

I miss you...

I really miss you. I promise a post tomorrow. Isn't Christmas crazy? And aren't you excited about the blue moon? Next one: 2028. I think we better party!

Writers Around the Table

Last night a friend and I hosted a Winter Solstice Reading Night. My friend made all the desserts and I got the tables ready. My part was the easiest as she made coconut cake, tropical fruitcake, sweet potato cake, chocolate cake, and two different kinds of cookies (did I remember everything?).



The table was set and the fire was laid. All that was missing was the friends. There's something very exciting about a waiting room, the anticipation of the evening a palpable presence.



Everyone arrived within a few minutes of each other, and bringing our happiness at being together, our excitement about reading our work to each other, and the inevitable sugar buzz from all those goodies, we sat down at the table.




After reading our wonderful words, we discussed publishing and news media and the future of both. We shared our favorite books of the year, a very diverse list ranging from the Anne of Green Gables to the Twilight series to Dickens.

For me, it was the beginning of the celebration of the holidays, a time to sit and listen and be simply present. We decided to meet again soon. It was definitely about sharing as writers, but I also think it had a lot to do with the desserts!

J A Konrath Gets Me

Last night I worked in the darkroom on the two photographs above. It was the best night of class because I actually was able to bring out things in the photographs that were too bright, print one photo correctly right from the start, and ask very few questions in the process. Hooked!

On another note, I follow a blog by writer J A Konrath. And ninety-nine percent of what he says gets me here {pointing to her gut} because he is so right on about what holds us new writers back from ever going anywhere.

So if you're like me, but want to change all that, go here and read his 2010 resolutions for writers. Copy it and tape it wherever you keep your writing utensils. Refer to it often. It's the truth, and it hurts, but it is inspiring too.

I'm trying to work myself out of a major funk (did you notice I've spared you the posts for a few days). Tonight I'm sitting by the fire, computer in my lap, kitties on the rug, pretending that I don't have a million things to do - most of which are pleasurable but the list is long - and taking it easy. I should probably take the advice that has been fairly consistent from my DailyOm horoscope and meditate on that spot where J A Konrath gets to me, or my heart center at least.

It's Friday, it's snowing, my family is all heading my way. I'm going to effect an attitude adjustment tonight. Catch you on the other side.

Up and Down

This is what my brain looks like lately. Christmas, work, everything up and down and all around in my poor little head.

Down: Business is a drain; time is at a premium; I'm easily irritated by things and am taking twice as long to get over them. I don't know what to get my kids for Christmas and I just read an article about how lazy it is to give them money. There are a couple of people I'd like to tell to get lost. It's cold. And foggy and rainy too. I can't stop gritting my teeth.

Up: I've had all my yearly check-ups and except for cholesterol (bad is bad) and low Vitamin D, I'm in good shape. My doctor is working with me so that I don't have to take prescription drugs. She's been listening! I have some beautiful photographs to put in cards for Christmas presents. My friend's memorial service was an amazing tribute and very moving. I have my classes, a couple of gatherings with friends at my house, time with family, and some fun lunches to look forward to.

All around: As long as I end each day with a sense of accomplishment, understand that it will all get done, and keep uppermost in my head that friends and family are the most important, I'll be okay.

Now for a more thoughtful post from a friend of mine.

Being with Friends

Tomorrow I'm taking an overnight trip to Oriental to be with friends. Normally, I would spend the whole weekend there, but because of obligations on Saturday I have to come back.

I used to spend every Thursday night with these women. When we first started getting together, we committed to a year of once-a-week meetings and used Cheryl Richardson's book, Life Makeovers, for our discussions. I fixed dinner and we sat around my dining room table or on my deck. I took Wednesdays off to shop and fix the food, and a lot of love went into the preparations.

After the first year, we did another self-help book, Get Out of Your Own Way, and dug a little deeper into our lives, learned a lot about each other even though we'd been friends for many years. After that book, we tried several others, but a few of the women weren't really interested in continuing in the self-help/exploring vein. They wanted a place to come, relax, have dinner, and be with friends.

About the time that this was happening, I quit drinking. Then a year later, I quit smoking. And I realized something: as much as I loved fixing dinner and being with my friends, I loved learning about things too. And I also realized that a good deal of my motivation for setting up the gatherings was so that I could drink.

Fairly abruptly, I quit hosting the weekly gatherings. I don't know how my friends feel about my doing it--no one has said--and we started getting together once a month at different houses. It's a relaxed atmosphere, no agenda, snacks or light dinners prepared by the hostess.

It worked out for all of us, I guess, and I've involved myself in photography classes and writing class and am keeping an eye out for people who might want to form a book discussion group. For now I'm content to be at home on most Thursday nights when my husband plays music, and enjoy the solitude and quiet, and once a month relax with my friends.

It's going to be different this year at the Oriental Spirit of Christmas gathering because one of the regulars won't be there. We're going to miss you, Peetro.

Looking for the Perfect Gift?

Hey, book lovers, listen up! Fresh from the Big Crafty in Asheville, North Carolina, The AyBeeCees has been posting new handmade books today. You won't find a better gift for the journaler, organizer, artist, and collector among your family and friends. Visit daily for the next few days if you don't see exactly what you want today, and they also special order.

I'm drooling....

Perspective

I caught the tail end of a story on the news tonight about a young boy who loved football. As a baby, he had a type of cancer that caused him to lose an eye, and now he was going to lose the other one. He wanted to see a football game, and the team embraced him, took him on the field, played ball with him. One of the players came to the hospital the day of his surgery. At that point, the boy finally broke down and cried. "I realized that that was the last time I was going to see anything," he said.

Puts a couple of bad days in perspective.

What Makes Me Feel Better

Around my computer at work, there are things that are supposed to cheer me up when I'm feeling blue, sayings that I use in cards, notes from family. Even when I'm having a bad day I can look at those notes and feel better.

The first thing I see is my screen. It's a picture I took of my new cat watching "cat TV" but beyond that it is a nice photograph with a reflective feel to it.

There are two notes from family members. One is from my sister, a heart-shaped note that she attached to a fake check for a million dollars. It says, "Love you, miss you, see you soon! Bip." This note reminds me that I am loved by my dad and siblings. The second note was stuck to my desk by my daughter when she worked with me last year. It says, "Love you ever so much, ma." I think of my children when I read this, glad they that are employed, have comfortable places to live, and that they love me, their dad, and each other.

Then there are the quotes I use for cards. For birthdays, the following poem:

Beautiful young people are accidents of nature.
Beautiful old people are works of art.

For sympathy cards, this quote by Kahlil Gibran is one of my favorites:

I have passed a mountain peak and my soul is soaring in the firmament of complete and unbound freedom. I am in comfort. I am in peace.

There are a few spiritual quotes:

God has left us love notes scattered extravagantly across creation.

I entrust the good desires of my heart to God's loving care, and I know that with God all things are possible.

Positive and negative impulses exist within us all. Those of us who shine brightest are not those who have no darker side, but those who are fully aware of their negativity, who keep their darkness in check by increasing their light.

There are a few frivolous things too. A fortune from a Chinese fortune cookie reads, "You are appreciated by your company." The lyrics from a Madonna song, "And the money kept rolling in from every side." Two arrows from tax returns that say, "Sign here."

But the simplest quote is the one that touches me most, and with this one I'll end my circular route around my computer screen.

IN YOUR HEART, YOU ALREADY KNOW.

Pushing on

Today I got a phone bill at the office that was twice our normal bill. It seems that last month, when I called to make sure we were on the most cost-efficient plan, the person who "helped" me decided to add internet service to our account. My theory is that she gets some kind of bonus for selling things, and doesn't care one iota that I had to spend a good hour getting it taken off. And to complain about it? I just don't have the time.

I'm beginning to walk around with blinders on to what's happening around me. Thirty thousand more of our young men and women to Afghanistan. Banks taking my money and paying it out to their executives. Credit card companies increasing their fees before deadlines that have now been extended. The right wingers' contention that global warming isn't real. Unemployment, homelessness, agencies without funds. I'm sick of looking. I can't begin to think of how to overcome my complete inability to feel in control of my world.

Today was, to tell you the truth, another bitch of a day. And like last night, I had something planned after work. I thought several times of skipping it; it was an ornament-making class at Gallery Shibui and I just felt too tired to go. I didn't know where the studio was and it was dark, so I told myself that I wasn't going to mess around trying to find it. I like to throw obstacles in my way like that. In spite of myself, I found the studio.

What a wonderful class. Alice Southwick is a creative, talented teacher, and there were only two other people in the class so we got extra attention. At the end of the class, I was tired, but very happy that I went. Here is what we made:



I'm hopeful that tomorrow is going to be a better day. Fingers, toes and eyes crossed.

Gotta B**ch

I hate to end the posting drought with a gripe-fest, but I must. Today was horrible. Here's why:

1. It was supposed to be my day off. I had to work.

2. It has rained all day. Cold rain during the morning, steamy rain tonight. I've had to go in and out many times, and had to walk a few blocks in it to meet some people for lunch.

3. Today is my mother-in-law's birthday. When I went to the store to buy her some tiramisu, the bakery lady smashed the top of one piece putting them in the container. When I asked her to get me another one, she didn't even attempt to hide her irritation. So I gave her a good taste of my irritation, letting her know that if it was too much trouble I'd be glad to forgo my purchase.

4. When I went to my mother-in-law's to visit, an old acquaintance of hers called and wanted to catch up on both her news and our news--about twenty minutes worth--and the entire time we're talking my MIL is waving and shaking her head and mouthing, "I don't want to talk to her." Duh. Neither did I.

5. One cat threw up on my dining room rug and the other peed in the entrance hall.

6. Three words: banks, clients, and churches. Don't get me started.

7. I'm feeling decidedly un-prosperous right now. And this just isn't like me.

I came home from work tonight thinking I might skip my darkroom photography class. I went anyway. And although I spent all night on one photograph, I feel very happy with it. And so, to end this decidedly crappy day, here is my first ever posted black and white photograph.



I thank you all for listening.

Getting Ready

The other day I read a blog post from a woman with four children. They were traveling and she had packed all she and the children needed for the trip. Her husband needed only to get his little ditty bag ready and load everything in the car. However, when they got to their destination, he asked, "Honey, did we pack my lotion?" Needless to say the rest of the post should have been unprintable, but she managed to finish the story without curse words.

I know what she means. Wednesday night we gave a party for my husband's minister, celebrating his twenty years at the church. I cleaned the house, bought the food, hid 500 items of clutter, prepared the food, set out the food, went to church, and came home to light candles and turn on the music (a playlist I had carefully prepared sometime during the day) and await the company.

Five minutes after everyone had gotten here, my husband loudly asked why the music was so soft. And what was that playing? I ignored him. Why were we playing the music on my small IPod player and not through the speakers, he went on. The music was playing through the speakers, so I continued to ignore him.

On the dining room table, there were ham biscuits, fruit and vegetables that I had cut up, cheeses, desserts. Around the kitchen there were containers of nuts and sesame sticks. There was one dish of chips and salsa. As soon as the chips and salsa were gone, my husband loudly asked if we had any more salsa.

My point is this: There was no we to anything that had gone into the preparation for the party.

That said, let's get back to the blog post I mentioned earlier. My husband once said that men don't wear "outfits" and this was hilarious to me at the time. But when we were going on a trip, the fact that girls and women wear outfits was my biggest advantage. I could tell my daughters, "Three outfits," and they could pack their entire wardrobe for the trip. I didn't care if the outfit components matched as long as there were socks, underwear, shoes, shirts, and pants for every day of the trip. I could add, "One dressy outfit" to the instructions and they could execute that part too. Young as they were, they understood the concept of packing in outfits.

I guess I'm rambling here, set off by the inability of the husband in the blog post to perform a task that even my young daughters could do--that is get himself packed and ready for the trip--and the fact that he asked if his wife had brought the thing he had forgotten. Even my daughters would have said, "Mommy, I forgot my toothbrush," or their Sunday shoes or whatever they didn't pack.

I will say that I felt avenged at the party Wednesday night when my husband changed the music to a playlist that was entitled, "Dance Party" and he thought he was getting the Rolling Stones and other rock musicians. It was disco music, and I laughed out loud when I heard the Village People do the intro to "YMCA" - my husband HATES disco music.

Irony: The daily reading today says, "Everything that irritates us about someone else should lead us to an understanding of ourselves." Carl Jung